Comments for These Prices http://theseprices.net Wed, 01 Feb 2012 19:47:06 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 Comment on Motherhood Is Not The Cure by uncertain http://theseprices.net/2012/01/motherhood-is-not-the-cure/comment-page-1/#comment-4207 uncertain Wed, 01 Feb 2012 19:47:06 +0000 http://theseprices.net/?p=2932#comment-4207 Thank you for this heartfelt, honest, thoughtful post - and thanks to the commenters, as well, for sharing their own experiences. I confess that I am very ambivalent about faith and more specifically, organized religion, but sites like yours encourage me to be more curious and, I hope, open-minded. I have had four miscarriages, and my husband and I are starting to explore adoption while still trying to conceive. I am almost scared to get pregnant again - to go through those weeks of anxiety and stress where you are not supposed to talk about it, so you keep your fears to yourself. I feel really guilty, b/c I didn't feel ready for children earlier (I was 31, he was 28, when we married, and we waited a few years). When we started trying, we were able to conceive but not carry to term, and I feel that it's my fault for waiting so long (I think he would have been happier to start sooner). At the same time, I'm also scared about adoption. International adoption is our likeliest bet, since there is a long waiting list for children in my home province here in Canada. I'm worried about bonding with a baby/young child; about how we will look as a family (I'm caucasian, my husband is Indian, and India is restricting adoption, so we are looking at a different ethnicity, etc). And I'm worried that having spent so many years in the world of "dual income no kids" has made me selfish and unable to handle the complete shift in priorities that a new baby/child entails. Thank you for this heartfelt, honest, thoughtful post – and thanks to the commenters, as well, for sharing their own experiences. I confess that I am very ambivalent about faith and more specifically, organized religion, but sites like yours encourage me to be more curious and, I hope, open-minded.

I have had four miscarriages, and my husband and I are starting to explore adoption while still trying to conceive. I am almost scared to get pregnant again – to go through those weeks of anxiety and stress where you are not supposed to talk about it, so you keep your fears to yourself.

I feel really guilty, b/c I didn’t feel ready for children earlier (I was 31, he was 28, when we married, and we waited a few years). When we started trying, we were able to conceive but not carry to term, and I feel that it’s my fault for waiting so long (I think he would have been happier to start sooner).

At the same time, I’m also scared about adoption. International adoption is our likeliest bet, since there is a long waiting list for children in my home province here in Canada. I’m worried about bonding with a baby/young child; about how we will look as a family (I’m caucasian, my husband is Indian, and India is restricting adoption, so we are looking at a different ethnicity, etc). And I’m worried that having spent so many years in the world of “dual income no kids” has made me selfish and unable to handle the complete shift in priorities that a new baby/child entails.

]]> Comment on Motherhood Is Not The Cure by ALH http://theseprices.net/2012/01/motherhood-is-not-the-cure/comment-page-1/#comment-4206 ALH Wed, 01 Feb 2012 01:20:40 +0000 http://theseprices.net/?p=2932#comment-4206 I offer my own perspective for other infertile people preparing to adopt -- I waited six years to be a parent, and the second I was, the burden was lifted forever. But I wish so badly I had never gone through infertility at all. I would never wish it on my worst enemy, and it cuts me to the bone to think of someone I love, like Johanna, going through it. What hurts me still is the bitterness it placed in my heart about my own body -- the loss of control and the continued physical betrayal is what I still need to make peace with. It took me YEARS to let go of the anger towards people who did not understand what I was going through, but I think the experience gave ME the gift of empathy and I'm grateful, at the very least, for that -- and most, most grateful that I was allowed to become the parent of my daughter, who is someone I'm so glad to know. I offer my own perspective for other infertile people preparing to adopt — I waited six years to be a parent, and the second I was, the burden was lifted forever. But I wish so badly I had never gone through infertility at all. I would never wish it on my worst enemy, and it cuts me to the bone to think of someone I love, like Johanna, going through it. What hurts me still is the bitterness it placed in my heart about my own body — the loss of control and the continued physical betrayal is what I still need to make peace with.

It took me YEARS to let go of the anger towards people who did not understand what I was going through, but I think the experience gave ME the gift of empathy and I’m grateful, at the very least, for that — and most, most grateful that I was allowed to become the parent of my daughter, who is someone I’m so glad to know.

]]> Comment on Motherhood Is Not The Cure by Johanna @ These Prices http://theseprices.net/2012/01/motherhood-is-not-the-cure/comment-page-1/#comment-4195 Johanna @ These Prices Sun, 29 Jan 2012 14:25:04 +0000 http://theseprices.net/?p=2932#comment-4195 Courtney, I'm so sorry for your losses. There is no grief like it. It's really hard to fight bitterness, and I am not always successful. (Maybe not even usually!) When we were in the midst of it, Psalm 73 was a passage I read a lot. The author talks about how he envied those who prospered --- those whose bodies were strong and didn't fail. Whose received the things the author wanted, who remained without, even though he saw them as undeserving. But then he says that when he sought the presence of God, he saw it for how it really is. That God is our strength and our portion and our prize, and how bitterness almost made him miss the awesomeness of God. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2073&version=NLT Another one I meditated on a lot was (is) Romans 8:38. Nothing nothing nothing can separate us from the love of God. Nothing! Not miscarriage. Not infertility. Not childlessness. Nothing. Paul goes on to say that Christ went to the cross for us, would he not also intercede on our behalf as He sits at God's right hand? That brought me great comfort --- Jesus knows my heart's desire. He is pleading with the Father on my behalf! Powerful. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans%208:38&version=NLT I hope these help. I'll be praying for you. Courtney, I’m so sorry for your losses. There is no grief like it. It’s really hard to fight bitterness, and I am not always successful. (Maybe not even usually!) When we were in the midst of it, Psalm 73 was a passage I read a lot. The author talks about how he envied those who prospered — those whose bodies were strong and didn’t fail. Whose received the things the author wanted, who remained without, even though he saw them as undeserving. But then he says that when he sought the presence of God, he saw it for how it really is. That God is our strength and our portion and our prize, and how bitterness almost made him miss the awesomeness of God.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2073&version=NLT

Another one I meditated on a lot was (is) Romans 8:38. Nothing nothing nothing can separate us from the love of God. Nothing! Not miscarriage. Not infertility. Not childlessness. Nothing. Paul goes on to say that Christ went to the cross for us, would he not also intercede on our behalf as He sits at God’s right hand? That brought me great comfort — Jesus knows my heart’s desire. He is pleading with the Father on my behalf! Powerful.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans%208:38&version=NLT

I hope these help. I’ll be praying for you.

]]> Comment on Motherhood Is Not The Cure by Courtney http://theseprices.net/2012/01/motherhood-is-not-the-cure/comment-page-1/#comment-4193 Courtney Sun, 29 Jan 2012 03:38:57 +0000 http://theseprices.net/?p=2932#comment-4193 I've read you off and on for a couple of years now and you give me so much hope to see where we might be. After 6 miscarriages my husband and I started the adoption process. I am so joyful that I will get to be a mother, but, I'm having a really hard time because I know several unmarried women with unplanned pregnancies who only like to complain. It really hurts. Last night one of them posted on Facebook about how she NEVER wanted to be a mother, but now that she is 1/2 way through her pregnancy she is ok and even "a little bit" happy and excited. When I see that I have a hard time not getting upset and asking God "why". Did/do you struggle with this? Any passages that give you comfort/reassurance? I guess I just want comfort that I'm not alone, and you have always seemed to be honest. Thank you. I’ve read you off and on for a couple of years now and you give me so much hope to see where we might be. After 6 miscarriages my husband and I started the adoption process. I am so joyful that I will get to be a mother, but, I’m having a really hard time because I know several unmarried women with unplanned pregnancies who only like to complain. It really hurts. Last night one of them posted on Facebook about how she NEVER wanted to be a mother, but now that she is 1/2 way through her pregnancy she is ok and even “a little bit” happy and excited. When I see that I have a hard time not getting upset and asking God “why”. Did/do you struggle with this? Any passages that give you comfort/reassurance? I guess I just want comfort that I’m not alone, and you have always seemed to be honest.

Thank you.

]]> Comment on Motherhood Is Not The Cure by Stefanie http://theseprices.net/2012/01/motherhood-is-not-the-cure/comment-page-1/#comment-4191 Stefanie Thu, 26 Jan 2012 19:58:49 +0000 http://theseprices.net/?p=2932#comment-4191 Wow, so very beautifully said! Thank you for sharing your heart - a heart that clearly loves Jesus! Just listened to a wonderful sermon on 'Contentment' by Beau Hughes (The Village Church) on podcast and it is just brewing and brewing in my brain... SO good! Sounds like you have the perspective and the JOY that only He can provide :) Wow, so very beautifully said! Thank you for sharing your heart – a heart that clearly loves Jesus! Just listened to a wonderful sermon on ‘Contentment’ by Beau Hughes (The Village Church) on podcast and it is just brewing and brewing in my brain… SO good! Sounds like you have the perspective and the JOY that only He can provide :)

]]> Comment on Motherhood Is Not The Cure by Tina http://theseprices.net/2012/01/motherhood-is-not-the-cure/comment-page-1/#comment-4190 Tina Thu, 26 Jan 2012 15:58:34 +0000 http://theseprices.net/?p=2932#comment-4190 I love hearing your heart like this Johanna. And so many, myself included, can learn and grow from you sharing your thoughts and experiences. Just puts all things in perspective again and again. <3 ya! I love hearing your heart like this Johanna. And so many, myself included, can learn and grow from you sharing your thoughts and experiences. Just puts all things in perspective again and again. <3 ya!

]]> Comment on Motherhood Is Not The Cure by Sarah http://theseprices.net/2012/01/motherhood-is-not-the-cure/comment-page-1/#comment-4188 Sarah Thu, 26 Jan 2012 08:20:28 +0000 http://theseprices.net/?p=2932#comment-4188 Infertility is ugly on so many levels, kids or no kids. Pregnancies or no pregnancies. Miscarriages or no miscarriages. It's a betrayal of our bodies to do something that it's just supposed to do. And that will always be unfair. And it will always suck. It hurts my heart that someone I love so much has to go through this. Maybe once we are through childbearing years it will get a little easier? Maybe? Or maybe it will always suck just as bad as the first diagnosis. But your faith is beautiful and wonderful thing. And I know you will be okay. Infertility is ugly on so many levels, kids or no kids. Pregnancies or no pregnancies. Miscarriages or no miscarriages. It’s a betrayal of our bodies to do something that it’s just supposed to do. And that will always be unfair. And it will always suck. It hurts my heart that someone I love so much has to go through this. Maybe once we are through childbearing years it will get a little easier? Maybe? Or maybe it will always suck just as bad as the first diagnosis. But your faith is beautiful and wonderful thing. And I know you will be okay.

]]> Comment on Disappointment & Waiting by Rebekah http://theseprices.net/2010/05/disappointment-waiting/comment-page-1/#comment-4186 Rebekah Wed, 25 Jan 2012 23:31:52 +0000 http://www.hannahbeth.com/?p=257#comment-4186 Thanks for writing this, HB. Like Brenda, I really, really, really needed to read this today. We're still not actively trying post-miscarriage yet, but that's mostly because I'm afraid I will either not be able to get pregnant again, or will end up having the same experience as last time. I have to just relax and remember that ultimately, I'm not in charge, which is easier said than done. Thanks again for writing this, and for speaking so openly about your experience. Thanks for writing this, HB. Like Brenda, I really, really, really needed to read this today.

We’re still not actively trying post-miscarriage yet, but that’s mostly because I’m afraid I will either not be able to get pregnant again, or will end up having the same experience as last time. I have to just relax and remember that ultimately, I’m not in charge, which is easier said than done. Thanks again for writing this, and for speaking so openly about your experience.

]]> Comment on Motherhood Is Not The Cure by robyn http://theseprices.net/2012/01/motherhood-is-not-the-cure/comment-page-1/#comment-4185 robyn Wed, 25 Jan 2012 17:04:29 +0000 http://theseprices.net/?p=2932#comment-4185 I know my situation isn't exactly like yours, but I can relate somewhat. Although I'm happy with my husband and daughter, I still sometimes have regret that I didn't marry and have children when I was in my twenties. I got married at 31 and my daughter was born when I was almost 33. I'm now 34 and considering having a second child. At my age, my parents had FIVE children. It's strange--I'm happy where I am, but still kind of wistful that I missed out on what I thought was a better plan. I know my situation isn’t exactly like yours, but I can relate somewhat. Although I’m happy with my husband and daughter, I still sometimes have regret that I didn’t marry and have children when I was in my twenties. I got married at 31 and my daughter was born when I was almost 33. I’m now 34 and considering having a second child. At my age, my parents had FIVE children. It’s strange–I’m happy where I am, but still kind of wistful that I missed out on what I thought was a better plan.

]]> Comment on Motherhood Is Not The Cure by lindsey http://theseprices.net/2012/01/motherhood-is-not-the-cure/comment-page-1/#comment-4184 lindsey Wed, 25 Jan 2012 03:57:04 +0000 http://theseprices.net/?p=2932#comment-4184 Perfectly said, and every word true. XO. Perfectly said, and every word true. XO.

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