When I’m doing research for Wedded Wednesday, sometimes I Google random search terms, hoping it’ll spark an idea.
I searched for “what do people want to know about marriage,” and in the results was a listing that said “If marriage is so great, why do so many people get divorced?” And I thought: Now there’s a question.
I am no expert, and my opinions are just my own, but I think it’s safe to say that at the crux of a lot of broken relationships is pride.
The Bible has a lot to say about pride but here’s a summary: God hates it, it causes us to stumble and think more of ourselves than others, and God actually opposes prideful people.
Pride has no place in a marriage.
Once I start looking out for myself more than I am looking out for Aaron, we’re in trouble. Once I value being right more than I value my husband’s feelings, we’re in trouble. One I look to pick a fight just to prove a point, we’re in trouble.
And let there be no mistake: all of the above things happen. More frequently than I’d like. But what we are getting better at is recognizing when pride is setting us up for a fall, and we correct it as quickly as possible.
The fastest way to humble yourself? Saying you’re sorry. (Genuinely and meaning it.) No “I’m sorry, but … ” or “I’m sorry you took it wrong” or anything like that. Just, “I’m sorry.” It is the hardest thing to say, ain’t it, and you’d think that apologizing to your spouse would be easier than apologizing to anyone else, but sometimes it’s not.
Aaron and I have a lot of divorce in our family. It is, sad to say, in our DNA. It is something we fight against, rail against, cry tears over. In the past year or so, three couples in our family have separated. It has been rough to watch it all unfold (or unravel, I should say), but it has also encouraged us to fight fight fight for this marriage of ours. To say we’re sorry. To put each other first. To swallow our pride.
I’d much rather admit when I’m wrong and stay married than to be right and be alone.*
*Dr. Phil says: Would you rather be right or would you rather have a happy marriage? Preach, Phillip C. McGraw. Preach.
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Did you blog about marriage today? Link up your entry below, and then in the body of your post link back to this one. Looking forward to reading your posts!
wedded wednesdays
At the beginning of the post I thought, “Yep, I’d rather be married than right.” So, it was funny to similar quotes at the end.
Still, it’s so hard to let things go and not say, “I told you so.”
Learning to say “I am sorry” (sometimes paired with “I was wrong”) – the correct way, without reasons, buts and excuses, could possibly be the best thing I’ve done for ALL of my relationships – with my husband, my parents, my friends, my coworkers.. Of course, that doesn’t mean that I always succeed, but I am always striving for this. That advice rings true, in my opinion, regardless of religion, culture, age…
Great advice!
Great post – I needed to read this today! i’m off to apologize…
Oh pride! That is such a hard trait to wrap your brain around. I love what you have said in this post. And I think what I have taken the most out of it is that marriage isn’t easy and we have to WORK everyday to make it the best marriage we can! Thanks for the inspiration!
i enjoy this portion of your blog, hanna. it’s definitely giving me pointers and mental notes for when I get married
This post reminds me of a devotional I once read, that has stuck in my head for years. It was about a man and wife who after months of hardships and disagreements, decided to seek counseling. The counselor gave them an assignment the first day…”Each of you, make a list of what it is you want out of this marriage.”
The following week, the counselor asked them if they had made their list. Both answered yes. Then the counselor told them to exchange lists. “For the rest of your marriage, you are to focus on the other’s needs. Forget about your own. Your spouse will take care of them.”
Long story short, that advice was just what the couple needed!
Stopping by from the Blog-a-thon.