Taste & See

When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.

Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into your glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
Psalm 73: 21-25

For much of our infertility journey, Psalm 73 was my heart’s prayer. Oh, I almost slipped. I almost missed it! I envied those who “had no struggles,” those whose “bodies are healthy and strong.” Those were not “plauged” by the human ill of infertility.

But I kept my focus on what I could not see. Faith not by sight. The psalmist writes that “all of this” (the prosperity of the wicked and the “ease” of some lives) was oppressive to him until he “entered the sanctuary of God.”

He set me straight. He corrected my focus. He is the reason. The only, only reason.

I feel Him at work in my life. Urging me toward something, someone, somewhere. I feel Him using me.

I get e-mails sometimes from other women struggling with infertility, asking me how. How I came out the other side. And I tell them over and over. I didn’t do it. Left on my own, I would be bitter. I would be jealous. Left to myself, I would be rending my garments and screaming at the sky.

The Bible calls it a peace that passes all understanding. I do not understand it. But it lives in me. I sit here now with a hope so big I feel like it could split the sky.

He is good. He is good. He is good. Don’t forget it. Don’t mistake it. He is good. He is moving. He is working. He is redeeming. Right now. Today.

Taste and see.

 

Comments

  1. says

    Psalm 73 is my favorite psalm. It has helped me through some difficult times. I am so sorry about your struggle with infertility, but I am glad that you have been able to feel God’s presence during your struggle. You are in my prayers.

  2. Maria says

    What a beautiful way to start my day. Thank you for continuing to inspire me with your faith and words.

  3. says

    Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    My husband and I just found out that we wouldn’t be having children the ol’ fashioned way, and though I went through a brief period of mourning, I immediately (and through no power of my own) was able to brush myself off and push forward. I have a few friends that are currently bitter and angry and frustrated and it breaks my heart.

    Thank you for sharing your Harry adoption story. It’s great reading, since we’ll be doing something along that same vein shortly and have no idea what to expect.

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