When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.
Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into your glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
Psalm 73: 21-25
For much of our infertility journey, Psalm 73 was my heart’s prayer. Oh, I almost slipped. I almost missed it! I envied those who “had no struggles,” those whose “bodies are healthy and strong.” Those were not “plauged” by the human ill of infertility.
But I kept my focus on what I could not see. Faith not by sight. The psalmist writes that “all of this” (the prosperity of the wicked and the “ease” of some lives) was oppressive to him until he “entered the sanctuary of God.”
He set me straight. He corrected my focus. He is the reason. The only, only reason.
I feel Him at work in my life. Urging me toward something, someone, somewhere. I feel Him using me.
I get e-mails sometimes from other women struggling with infertility, asking me how. How I came out the other side. And I tell them over and over. I didn’t do it. Left on my own, I would be bitter. I would be jealous. Left to myself, I would be rending my garments and screaming at the sky.
The Bible calls it a peace that passes all understanding. I do not understand it. But it lives in me. I sit here now with a hope so big I feel like it could split the sky.
He is good. He is good. He is good. Don’t forget it. Don’t mistake it. He is good. He is moving. He is working. He is redeeming. Right now. Today.